The sun will shine as bright as can be, weather you like heat or not. (Pun intended)
The moon will only shine brightly at night , whether you like it or not.
The day will be 24 hours, no more, no less, whether you like it or not.
It is very important to always live in the present because whether you like it or not it will become the past what was once regarded as future. The present is now, being in a consious awareness of oneself, surroundings and situation.
All in all, whether you like it or not, what has to happen will happen. The question is will you be making it happen, or will you be letting it happen to you?
I woke up that morning with nothing on my mind. Night shift is starting in a few hours and I need to get some sleep.
I had watched Black Panther, Avengers End game and a couple other movies that week just to see Chadwick Boseman.
If for a second I had known that he may have been taking his last breath, could it have been different?
I get to work and start my night. I decide to take a break a few hours later, the n95 mask was suffocating me. I sit down at the table in the staff break room, after rummaging the fridge for sandwiches. A post on whatsapp gets me…’the Black Panther is no more’ crying emoji.
Obviously I think its a joke. Every year people always trying to get clout with one actors death or another. I did not want to check Twitter because I was low-key afraid it might be true. Its not something that just pops out of the blue. I mean why would anyone want to make up a story that Chadwick Boseman passed?
Let us be Honest, going with the flow everyday is so easy and undemanding. A routine on the other hand feels like going against the grain,because of the amount of effort you have to put in to get the results that you want.
What is a HABIT? According to the Merriam Webster online dictionary it is defined as “an acquired mode of behaviour that has become nearly or completely involuntary”.Other definitions include “a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance”
If you note the word ‘acquired’ which means “gained by or as a result of effort or experience”, meaning habits are not hereditary. So my lack of commitment is not hereditary, my procrastination is not in borne, my laziness was not thrust upon me (Shakespeare talks about greatness).
Therefore, every habit is a conscious decision to be and do better. To develop means “to create or produce especially by deliberate effort over time” You cannot have the future you want unless you create it for yourself by developing habits that work towards attaining your goal.
1 You have to know what it is you want. Who you want to be. Define your result, so you develop your resistance.
2 You will need to put in effort. You cannot break a bad habit without the willingness and desire to be free from it. Everyday, choose to be the person you want to be.
3 It will take some time. Your mind and body need to be in sync and this happens when you know who you are, you have put in the effort and you are ready to be that person. You have been harboring this bad habit for a while, your body and mind will fight change, but with your developed resistance you will reap the results.
4 You will need to be constantly motivated and inspired. Try to create that kind of space for yourself,mentally and physically. Like watching movies or listening to audiobooks that move you to action. Surround yourself with the right people.
Zahar was pacing the hospital corridor, impatiently waiting for the doctor.She had just gotten terminated from her probation and it was not even 90 days yet.She had barely worked for 14 days when she was unfairly discharged.
That was the least of her problems. At least for now.
Malik had outdone himself this time.She had already called the police and the evidence in the hospital better match her accusations.The relationship was over,so much for staying for the kids.She was still their mother and father anyway, what difference did it make? Shut the public, she was 32 and did not need someone still telling her what to do She had sacrificed a lot for others and no one seemed to give up anything for her.
Oh Lord, please keep him alive.
“For Ethan” the nurse called out. Zahar immediately rushed to the office. Her heart was racing faster than Usain Bolts’ after a race,she did not want to hear it but she needed to. “I am Ethans’ mother.” She immediately saw it, the flash of sorrow in the nurses’eyes. Her son was dead.
How do you plead?
Her life couldn’t be getting any worse.
“What are you talking about? You have all the evidence you need, what more do you want?”
“We need irrefutable proof Zahar. I know how you feel, but you must be patient” The lawyer said,her voice almost a whisper as they left the tension-filled courtroom.She put her hand on zahar’s shoulder and gently squeezed it reassuringly, “He will pay”, she said with a trace of anger through her clenched teeth.
Amanda did NOT want to leave Zahar standing there as torn as she was, maybe she should ask her if she would like to go home with her. Or maybe not, she is a client and that’s it,you do not sympathize with your clients,law school taught her that.Besides she has a lot to do to make sure that man goes behind bars.
Zahar walked back home.Just when she thought she was going to be able to afford a car, the world came crashing. Just when she knew it was getting better because God had finally noticed her, everything slips through her fingers as if she is allergic to goodluck.They said do not ask God any questions,so she won’t. She needed to increase the security around herself and her home now,as soon as she could afford it, Laaya will need it.
He had to act fast
“Thank you for getting me out of there, baby”The voice on the other end of the line made a small sound of acknowledgment. “We should not be on the phone too long, they might start tapping into it, proceed with the plan.” the voice continued swiftly but precisely. A beep was heard and he put the phone away. He slowly made his way to the makeshift kitchen looking around for a bite. There was a moulding piece of sandwich on the stovetop,he picked it up wrinkling his nose while catching a whiff of the musty odor.His stomach rumbled and he could not order food online because it was already late, and he had no food anywhere.He looked at the sandwich , picked it up unwillingly and closed hs eyes as he took a bite.He thought of a time when he’ll be free on a beach sipping cocktails with his lover.
Laaya did not understand why her mum was home.”Aren’t you working today mama?” Zahar scratched her head as if looking for a suitable answer for a six year old. “Mama is on holiday.” Thats literally all she could come up with and that should be enough for an inquisitive child such as Laaya. It was already tough having to explain what happened to Ethan and then now? “But we are still in school!” ” Honey your school program and my work program are not the same thing. Finish up your cereal,you need to get to school” She was already late, plus she did not have a car. Well, she used to borrow the neighbours car, but she had not refilled the tank last time she used it, so she was ashamed to ask again.”Come on Laaya, we do not have a car today, you better hurry up.” Laaya looked at her mother with wide eyes “No car?How will I get to school?” “Walk baby, thats what those legs are for.Now get up lets go.” She needed a job, she had already applied to 101 different companies in the last few days and no word from anyone.She remained positive and expectant.
Mr.Everard watched the two ladies from a slightly open curtain in his living room.He had always watched them from the moment she moved in to the apartment with that weird looking fellow. He has not seen him nor her son in a few days now,he wondered what happened to them.He felt sorry for Zahar,she was so hardworking he does not know why she was living with that weirdo,not that he wanted her in anyway for himself.He wanted to help her,like now,he could have given her a ride despite her not refilling his tank last time.The little girl hopping away with her little unicorn backpack and pink sneakers,she was adorable.He watched them long enough to see the figure in a hooded jacket creep right out of the corner and follow them.
Zahar was drifting in and out of consiousness.Her daughters screams kept waking her up,she felt helpless and hopeless.She tried to move but her limbs were tied and she was blindfolded too.”Laaya! Laaya! where are you?Are you alright?Talk to me baby!” Tears were running down her cheeks when she heard no sound,”If you have hurt my daughter you will not get away with this! Why do you blindfold me,show yourself if you are not afraid!” The abducter spoke, but the voice was muffled so she could not make out if it was a male or a female.”I will torture you till death,and your daughter is probably dead because I fucked her to a pulp.” Zahar could not believe what she had just heard,her heart sank,her whole life was a joke.”You are a pathetic moron and you will rot right here on earth.” A distinct wave of willpower to fight possessed her and she sat still waiting for the killer. She heard a shuffling of feet and tried to sit as still as possible as the person neared her she bit a gloved hand as hard as she could,she suspected they wanted to inject her with something lethal. A knock to her head blackened her out as the last thing she heard were police sirens.
“Where is my daughter?” She thought she was dreaming, oh my God her baby Laaya,why God,my little girl.”Calm down Ms, she is fine and in recovery.” “I need to see her.” “Of course you will once you can feel your legs” What is this nurse talking about ,Zahar thought to herself.She tried to get up and something was wrong. “What’s happening?” Panic had set in, fear, she almost immediately broke into a sweat,her eyes filling up with tears. “Do not worry we are working on getting your muscles functional again.In your semi-consiousness it seemed a poison was injected into your spine,Thank goodness it did not affect your brain.With constant physiotherapy,I believe you will get back on your feet again.In the meantime,we will bring your daughter to you.”
The judge adjourned the case again.
Mr.Everard watched her wheeling out of the courtroom in anger,her lawyer following her closely.He did not understand why the lawyer was not exactly trying to fight for her client when she had all the proof.Her recent attack could have been more than enough motive. The only good thing they did though was detain that weirdo.He walked out of the courtroom into the afternoon sunshine,he let it warm his face a little before heading along.
“We are building this Zahar.Can you not see that he has been detained finally? That is a step?” “Who bailed him out in the first place?He does not have that kind of money for bail.” Amanda mouth twisted into a forced smile “That has nothing to do with us.We need to focus on proving his guilt.Have the forensic experts come up with anything yet?” Zahar shook her head, her mind in a million places.She did bite the killer pretty hard and is sure she left a mark,but it was through gloves so the forensic experts could get no blood or anything.They did not check Maliks’ wrist,maybe she should suggest it. She just did not want to believe that he is the one who attacked them and raped her daughter.Oh my God,Zahar,why are you with this psycho,your value is more than that,you do not need anyone to make you feel like you are worth something to someone.What has motherhood reduced you too?Being a parent was not supposed to make you a slave to someone else because you are trying to raise your kids in a two-parent environment.WHO ARE YOU?
She was having a bad day at work. She was usually discriminated upon and always never understood.Her coworkers lied against her and she could not defend herself.The die had been cast,nobody believed her.She always felt like the rejected stone-The girl at school who could not fit in,the odd co-worker.Her manager called her and told her to go home, that is the end.She just decided to walk home so she could think,because she was tired with all that was going on in her life.She thought of her kids, she smiled, it quickly faded away when she thought of her partner.Malik. She does not know how she got pregnant for him a second time.She was probably depressed or totally delusional,because that is the only way she could have actually had sex with that moron.She still feels she was raped because they have not had sex ever since she found out she was pregnant.She did want to have an abortion,but her daughter was already 5 and she just wanted another kid.She remembered the abortion she had before Laaya,that was the best decision she had made.She had no money,no roof over her head and no family.She polished herself years later before meeting this wolf in sheeps clothing called Malik.Zahar was so lost in thought she did not even realise she had already gotten home. Oh that was a short one hour walk,she thought disappointingly.
Her four month old was crying and she wondered why.The door was open, she slowly walked in “Malik?” No one responded, she went over to the crib and picked up her baby.He screamed so loud she had to drop him immediately.Her heart started beating uncontrollably,he had no fever why was he screaming. He kept on making noises like he was in discomfort.She noticed he was not moving and she immediately called the hospital. She called the school, that she will be late picking up her daughter because she just had an emergency.Before she left, she went through the closet and realised that some of Maliks’ stuff were gone. ‘the son of a bitch’ she cursed.
“For Ethan”,the nurse called out.It had been over four hours and she was tired and afraid.The doctor came out “I’m sorry Ma’am,all his limbs were completely fractured,and from the xrays we can assert that it was intentional.We have already called the attention of the police to the case and we have all the evidence of all the fractures.His ankles,his knees, his wrists and his elbows. You can come and see him now, we sill start the bone reconstruction process immediately you will just need to complete all the paperwork” Zahar held her tears before entering the intensive care unit to see her little boy.He was bandaged all over and seemed asleep.The doctor noticed her apprehension and quickly took her hands in his “He is fine.We are helping him ease the pain with medication and he is getting fed through other means.He is safe.Just make sure that whoever did this does not get away with it.”
Save my children God, that is all I ask.
The defense stood up and walked over to the side of the defendant giving them a contemptous look before going on to say “My client Malik is as innocent as he looks.A good father and a loving partner.These false allegations laid against him are all in a bid to separate from him.She lost her job,your Honor,came home with all that anger and dismembered her 4month old son who is now receiving treatment at the St Mary’s Health Centre.All the exhibits were already tendered,we can show the court one more time on the screen.”
Zahar clenched the wheelchair in anger as she watched pictures of her bandaged son on the screen.How can this asshole try to accuse her? He had been trying to turn it around from the beginning of he trial,trying to make her look like the monster and Amanda was not defending her or trying to prove it was Malik. She needed a miracle.
Your Honor, we have a witness.
Was this the light of God shining on her? Had God heard her prayer? A witness for the plaintiff?Who was it? She put her hands together waiting as the person got into the witness stand and swore the oath.When the view was clear,Zahar could not believe her eyes.
“From your witness statement,you say you saw the defendant leaving the building right before his partner came in from work on that evening.” the defense began with the cross-examination.The witness nodded. Amanda shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat, Zahar asked her if she was ok and she said she was fine and she is happy this witness came at the right moment. When the witness mentioned that he is the one who called the police when Zahar and her daughter were attacked after he had followed them to see where they were taken to and that it was Malik who fracture the childs limbs, raped his daughter and partially paralysed Zahar’s legs, Malik got up from his seat and started scraeming at the top of his lungs. “He is lying, I did ot do any of this.I love my kids and my partner and would never hurt them.He is just a neighbor that has been wanting to sleep with her.”
Mr.Everard knew that coming here to testify will not be easy, but he loved Zahar and her kids and he could not let that criminal get away with it.Considering that this was the last trial, then the verdict he picked up his bag and all the evidence he had and walked up to the courtroom. He watched both of them with disgust,they will not get away with this, he had pictures of some of their meetings which he tendered in and as the cross-examination continued he watched the accused and his accomplice sweat in fear.Horror was plastered all over Zahar’s face.
“Amanda,you will have to be taken into custody.The proof we have here against you is overwhelming. You bailed the defendant out anonymously,but it was traced.You have been secretly visiting the defendant, and even while he was with his partner you were his lover.You have beenfalsely representing his partner in the hope of setting him free so both of you can elope together.Do you deny any of these allegations?” The judge asked her. She stood there not saying a word,Zahara banged the table,tears streaming down her eyes,a lump in her throat “How could you Amanda?My children?If you wanted the bastard why did you not just take him,or kill me and leave my children out of this?”
“Order!Order in court!” The whole crowd was chattering, the unexpected revelations shocked everyone.There was silence in a few seconds then the judge spoke.”The circumstances of the case have obviously changed and regarding the circumstances of the plaintiff I will pass my verdict.”
It had been a tough year for them,but a better year considering that Zahar had more autonomy over her legs now, and Ethan was getting better.The doctor said he will need another year to gain full control of his limbs. Laaya on the other hand was still traumatised and refused talking for over 9months. The government lent Zahar a hand by giving her housing and a job.She saw Mr.Everard everyday because he was her angel, Malik will spend the rest of his life in prison,she told the judge not to put him on death row.She wanted both of them to stay alive and suffer.God came through for her and she was so grateful.She kissed her kids goodnight, turned the lights out and went into the living room. She picked up the newspaper with the headlines “PLAINTIFF’S LAWYER FOUND TO BE DEFENDANT’S LOVER, EXPOSED BY WITNESS NEIGHBOR.” She put it down and smiled.
The same way I keep putting off this post to another day to watch Aquaman a second time while going to and from the kitchen, my mouth continuously moving almost choking on my coca-cola zero, is the same way we all sit back and lazy around for another day reassuring ourselves that it is just a day, no harm right? Besides,’ you must rest the body that works the money.’ *winks*
Why should you put off for tomorrow what you can do right now? The world will still rotate if you are not there, people will still continue to live and breathe in your absence. So while you are here why not choose to positively and usefully waste your time?
FIRSTLY YOU need to make goals! What is the use of a goal when you do not even have the money or time to accomplish it? I hear that question. Ask me what a goal is in the first place. In the easiest understanding, a goal is the destination of a journey. So maybe you ask yourself where you are going? When you were little and your parents asked you what you want to be in future and you said a pilot, they started preparing you in that field with all they could offer to push you in that direction. The goal then was probably to send Amanda to aviation academy. Now Amanda is a pilot and their goal has been accomplished. That was a long-term goal. A short-term goal is a daily accomplishment. Many experts believe that in trying to accomplish smaller goals on a daily basis you can easily reach for bigger ones. Goals as small as saving a twenty-five cents(or 100frs) a day to accomplish a bigger goal to have a thousand dollars saved in a month. Once you have a destination, the forces of the universe and your determined subconscious will provide you with all the resources you need to complete your journey. It is up to you to create the time, to make the money because the food will not cook itself, the car will not drive itself and this blog cannot come up with any content for itself either! *lol*
SECONDLY , WRITE THAT DOWN. I cannot overemphasize this. When you write them down it is already a first step towards accomplishing it because your whole body and mind will sync towards that direction. Do not rely on your brain. It has failed many and you are not an exception. It’s like going to the market without a list, then you end up buying so much junk, exceeding your budget and buying more food and stuff than required. Writing it down prepares you for the journey ahead as you will see yourself outlining plans on how to maneuver your way to achieve what you want. When you choose to make that your focal point, waking up early everyday will not be such a chore because you have somthing to do, your mind will not rest until you have what you want. Time will now become more precious to you.
Everyday when you read them out and see how close you are to accomplishment you increase your self-worth and self-esteem. The stumbling blocks cause you to be stronger and fuel your drive to achieve against all odds. With such positivity and fulfillment filling you up you tend to feel happier and you will always want to remain proactive in so many things. Procrastination breeds laziness and because you are so busy hitting goals there will be no time you would not want to usefully and creatively waste. Whenever your consious mind wants to give itself an excuse not to work so hard, your subconsious mind will poke it wide awake to the reality, showing you the consequences of giving up one day.
THIRDLY, EVERYTHING entails sacrifice, patience and HardWork. You will keep procrastinating because you do not have one of these. Fear of failure because you want instant gratification so you choose to remain average because you hsve tried all mehods and none worked. how many times did you try the same method in different ways? How much energy did you put into it, or did you just know from the onset that it was a failure? Mind power can leave you feeling drained after an exciting event or excited after a draining event. Just depends on how you see the world,
Make friends that are as determined as you are to succeed and live a fulfilling life. Find people that you will have meaningful conversations with and enlightening talks.
If your goal is to watch 10 movies a day, make sure there is an outcome for that. Did you learn a new word? a new place? a new culture? Old habits die hard and new habits hardly see the light of day. To be able to put the habit of delaying everything to rest you will need to put in the effort every d day. Stop making excuses, your child will always be fine , your parents will be alright, your friends can take it…
Janet was pregnant. Again. The fifth child in seven years. The third man. Her life had taken a different spin after the third child. Everyone stopped helping her babysit and stopped giving her money too. She felt her family was wicked and heartless to her and her children after all, isn’t God who gives children? She should be blessed and revered for being so fertile and birthing them because other women will have abortions.
Peter quit his job. His only source of income. The pastor told im that he cannot serve two masters at the same time. Peter chose God. His wife took his son and left the house for her parents because she could not stay with an unproductive man. How was his going to church from dawn till dusk unproductive? How can his total submission to the most high be wrong? He believed that God just exposed his enemies, so let them flee from him.
Faith and George have been dating for 10 years. George is an armed robber and Faith is a teacher. She knows what he is doing is wrong but God put her in Georges life to change him. She believes that he will leave his bad ways and become a better man and husband to be. If she leaves him now after all the years they have been through together, God will punish her and she might not even find another man like George.
Carine was diagnosed with HIV. Since then she has already had sex with 50 different men because she wants to spread the disease. Why will God do this to her? How can her own husband infect her? She has been faithful to him since they married, why did he not do the same? Maybe it is Gods way of getting him to calm down and remain faithful, Carine thought.
Martin was heartbroken. But a heartbreak is not the end of the world. It is Gods way of showing you all the other people in the world you were missing. So he goes on a heartbreak spree, after all someone has to break someone elses’ heart. God will understand him and his actions. His family had told him not to date the lady but he was in love. God had already showed him the signs from the beginning when his family said no.
Miriam is a business woman. She sells dishonestly in order to make a heavy profit. God is good to her and keeps her business alive so she can provide for her family. Not everyone is so blessed to have daily bread.
King just watched his younger sister die in a hospital bed because there was no blood donor for a transfusion. She was 18 and still a virgin. She was pure. His friend said God takes away the good ones and besides it was her time. Dont question God because his ways are not ours. Maybe God didn’t want blood in the hospital so she could rest. If there was a donor she would have been alive.
Queen and Joe’s mother was a witch. Everybody knew she was evil and they were all waiting for God to take her life. People like her are from satan. God forbid she touches anyone. She is old and sick and it serves her right as she will reap all the evil she sowed. God will always repay you for the evil or good you do. They are very rich siblings and nobody believes they worked hard to get rich. When their mother passed, people said they sacrificed their mother for money rituals and God will expose them one day.
There are more than a trillion stories I could recount , and many more that you could recount to me. Some of the questions I ask myself are Has this ‘self righteousness’ made us forget that there is nature? Has it made us forget our own free will? Are we always looking for someone to take the blame? Everyone is guilty and nobody is perfect is the word, but nobody accepts that they have done wrong(or whatever wrong means). Are we quick to condemn others? Or do we just hide our true nature?
“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” ― Maya Angelou
YES ,I KNOW. Everybody does. The booming of technology has intoxicated everyone with the availability of every kind of information out there. All our voices can be heard, somewhere and that is why at this point in your life you will need to have a sieve-like brain in order that you do not drown in your own pile of dirt. I am here to help you develop a strong mind , because once your mind is renewed your body will follow. How do you grow your brains capacity to think fast and think smart? How can you be improve your social skills as an intelligent person? How can you be more strong-willed in decision-making, goal achievement and your personal opinions?
Firstly you have to know who you are. Cliche. The truth is always boring because it has been sung and no one listens. They know they know. They think they know because they have heard it before. What have you done with the message? Put it into practice! Do you know basic things like your likes and dislikes? I do not like ekwang ( it’s a Cameroonian dish made with grated cocoyams,wrapped up in cocoyam leaves and cooked in red oil) , and I like French fries( i mean who doesn’t). If you cannot determine basic things about yourself , you will not be able to identify complex ones, like your strengths and weaknesses. How your behaviour changes and your reactions in different instances and why. Knowing yourself is a process which does not happen overnight, because you are constantly growing and evolving. Take a pen and a paper, try to write down your preferences and aversions, write down some of your strengths and weaknesses. Observe the areas of your life you need to adjust and start working on them. Intelligent people must always self assess themselves over time taking note of major or minor changes to their minds or bodies that may have occurred over a period of time. That is how you start getting your power back. I find it shameful when a woman tells me she does not know her menstrual period, in terms of fertile and safe days. It is shameful you do not care about yourself enough to know such important things happening in your own body.
“Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.”
― Joseph Addison
That quote should be self-explanatory, but nothing is wrong adding a little flesh is there? As the Bible says, you cannot put old wine into new wineskins, therefore with a renewal of your mind you cannot adhere to your old ways. Master your mind, train it, strengthen it, develop it, empower it. Information, or knowledge you acquired ten years ago might not be of any use to you now. I am not talking about length*width , this is not a math class, I refer to life in itself not some hypothetical physics formula. Always ask questions and remain eager to learn something new. Be willing and open to change and learn how to adapt quickly.
You cannot train your mind without training your tongue too. It is a very powerful and mishandled weapon that has caused even the most intelligent and revered men to look stupid. When in doubt it is best to either keep quiet, or listen to the other persons point of view, take it into consideration, do some more research before coming up with your own conclusion. In Cameroon, where drinking is a culture, it is always irritating to hear people arguing over what they have no idea of. Everyone wants to be seen as knowledgeable. I will say this, do not argue while intoxicated, whether by alcohol or by emotions(especially anger and impatience).
Think before you speak. That is the use of your brain, to process the words that will come out of your mouth. Make sure your expressions are right and your eloquence and fluency impeccable, There is no use looking physically attractive without leaving a lasting impression. Intelligent thinking and talking always leaves lasting impressions. This is perfect for a job interview, meeting people for the first time, and in your everyday life. You will easily win the hearts of many when you at acordingly.
“Body nobi firewood” is what they say, but they do not exercise it. “Body nobi firewood” they say, but they do not feed it. “Body nobi firewood” they say and they do not love it. Treat your body right, exercise , lose that weight, take a walk( even though in Cameroon and America now you cannot walk because of random shooting) but those in safer countries please walk.Go for a massage, facials, spa day. Use the body to help other people in need by offering services. We should not forget sex, we also use our bodies for that, plus its bonus exercise if you do it properly. This is obviously a 2020 topic but who knows, I might start sex education right here on this Blog!
As you develop your intelligence and open your mind to change , there also has to be understanding. Understanding that you are not the only human on earth with reasoning capacity and opinions. As you hold yours, everyone holds theirs too, you do not need to choke anyone out with your opinion. If you say something the other person does not agree with, a fruitful conversation has stilll been held because ideas have been exhanged. Always keep a calm and positive mind and you will notice in the long term that you will not be panicky about little issues as your brain will figure out solutions faster. Your brain and body are all that serve you during your short existence on earth, use them well.
“When you make a choice, you change the future.”
― Deepak Chopra
60 the new 20, I open the post and the first thing I see is a tree, this girl is crazy.
How old do you think the tree in that picture is? Obviously older than you are, and it is still rooted there strong and sturdy. It has withstood all forms of weather and still shaded people and animals, aging yes…but still alive. Maybe it is still there because it was not cut off by some human,(thank God) or maybe because it chose not to wilt away. Whatever the reason it is here now and it is here to teach us a lesson.
How old is too old to be able to do anything? Am I too old at 30 to still be in the dating game? ‘go settle down’ ‘you are irresponsible’ ‘you need to build a family’. Am I too old at 50 to have children? ‘your ovaries are dried up’ ‘you need to relax and enjoy your grownup kids’ ‘all your friends will have grownup kids by then’ ‘your time has passed’ Am I too old at 60 go to a bar or dance? ‘go drink oolong tea in your backyard grandpa’ ‘your bones are dead’ Am i too old at 70 to wear a bikini? ‘your skin is wrinkled mama,cover it up’ ‘accept that you are worthless and move on’. Am I too old at 80 to enjoy sex? ‘eeww, how can that happen?’ ‘That man surely takes viagra’
Older men and women go through this everyday, slowly killing their drive to live another day. The feeling that they do not have much physical or mental strength as they used to, the fact that they have to retire from their regular jobs , the constant reminder that they are old and everyone feels sorry for them from the pitiful looks on the faces of youngsters who are flaunting youthful skin and running on strong legs. At the end of the day is age actually just a number or is it a state of mind? Just like the tree in the picture knows what it has to do , it deepens its roots further into the ground to be able to withstand each season and still serve its purpose in every age. Be like the tree.
Society has set its timelines as to when everything is supposed to happen in our lives, and it is up to us to make changes and stop sheepishly following the crowd for fear of being left out. In a world like ours, it is generally not easy moving on your path because of the heavy pressure asserted on us by family , friends and the society in general. Plus in a place like Cameroon where you will need a job, and money and connection it is not as easy as I say it. Most people have had an encounter with disappointment so great that every dream they can conceive is contaminated with the toxic anxiety of failure. S for the rest of their lives they prefer to always play safe.
I have been swayed left to right before and having kids does not make it better but you need to keep fighting for you. Nobody wants to be seen as odd or uncultured. All parents want their kids in the same spheres as their classmates, and children start feeling unaccomplished when they have no job at 20,are not married by 25, no kids by 35, no house at 45, and to crown all that with what nobody actually cares about is sense of self. At 80 or 90 when all is said and done, you look back on your life and is that a tinge of regret I see? A stain on you presumed perfect life? You followed the crowd and they left you on the sidewalk with nothing but your damaged core they took and played around with. You woke up from your slumber 30 years too late.
I have friends who tell me they cannot wear certain clothes because they are parents now. They cannot do certain things because they are spouses now. We are the ones who end up setting our own limitations. Your mind is not free and you are trapped in this prison of guilt when all you are truly afraid of is what someone who does not even care about you will think of you.
How many times in your 20s or 30s or even 40s did you actually choose to put effort in something you wanted to do? How many times did you put something off because you thought you were too old? Your sex, or marital status is not an obstacle. You are the one using it as an excuse. You are older now and you feel old because you have never renewed your mind and thought process, you have given in to your fears and you know that you had the chance when you were younger but you just did not take it. You have refused embracing change. Society’s dictates had their way.
Glenn Close,an American actress just received a Golden globe and she said this “…I’m thinking of my mum, who really sublimated herself to my father her whole life. And in her 80s she said to me,’ I feel I haven’t accomplished anything’. And it was so not right and I feel what I’ve learned through this whole experience is women,we’re nurturers-that’s what is expected of us. We have our children our husbands…but we have to find personal fulfillment.We have to follow our dreams.We have to say ,’ I can do that . And should be allowed to do that.”
In Cameroon we had old people over 90 that were riding bicycles and going to the farm and people will say that their children were probably not taking care of them. *LAUGHS* When your mind does not constantly renew itself, no matter how educated you get,or how much money you make , the different aspects in life will never be in tune with each other because of the internal conflicts you have everyday with yourself in your little cocoon of pretense and role playing.
My mother whom I love so much is never afraid to be who she is. She wears mini skirts and goes for meetings and after the meeting she becomes the topic for next meeting on dress codes, and guess what! She goes to the next meeting in a shorter annd tighter skirt. It is who she is and what she loves and if you are uncomfortable then that is your problem to deal it. She will not change for you. Why do old people frown? Someone said they are just angry for being old, angry at the young ones perhaps, gravity. It is not true, they are angry at themselves because they did not have the courage to do what you are doing when they were younger and they still do not have the courage to do it now!