MAN’S CHOICE OR GOD’S PLAN?

MAN’S CHOICE OR GOD’S PLAN?
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Janet was pregnant. Again. The fifth child in seven years. The third man. Her life had taken a different spin after the third child. Everyone stopped helping her babysit and stopped giving her money too. She felt her family was wicked and heartless to her and her children after all, isn’t God who gives children? She should be blessed and revered for being so  fertile and birthing them because other women will have abortions.

 

Peter quit his job. His only source of income. The pastor told im that he cannot serve two masters at the same time. Peter chose God. His wife took his son and left the house for her parents because she could not stay with an unproductive man. How was his going to church from dawn till dusk unproductive? How can his total submission to the most high be wrong? He believed that God just exposed his enemies, so let them flee from him.

 

Faith and George have been dating for 10 years. George is an armed robber and Faith is a teacher. She knows what he is doing is wrong but God put her in Georges life to change him. She believes that he will leave his bad ways and become a better man and husband to be. If she leaves him now after all the years they have been through together, God will punish her and she might not even find another man like George.

 

Carine was diagnosed with HIV. Since then she has already had sex with 50 different men because she wants to spread the disease. Why will God do this to her? How can her own husband infect her? She has been faithful to him since they married, why did he not do the same? Maybe it is Gods way of getting him to calm down and remain faithful, Carine thought.

 

Martin was heartbroken. But a heartbreak is not the end of the world. It is Gods way of showing you all the other people in the world you were missing. So he goes on a heartbreak spree, after all someone has to break someone elses’ heart.  God will understand him and his actions. His family had told him not to date the lady but he was in love. God had already showed him the signs from the beginning when his family said no.

 

Miriam is a business woman. She sells dishonestly in order to make a heavy profit. God is good to her and keeps her business alive so she can provide for her family. Not everyone is so blessed to have daily bread.

 

King just watched his younger sister die in a hospital bed because there was no blood donor for a transfusion. She was 18 and still a virgin. She was pure. His friend said God takes away the good ones and besides it was her time. Dont question God because his ways are not ours. Maybe God didn’t want blood in the hospital so she could rest. If there was a donor she would have been alive.

 

Queen and Joe’s mother was a witch. Everybody knew she was evil and they were all waiting for God to take her life. People like her are from satan. God forbid she touches anyone. She is old and sick and it serves her right as she will reap all the evil she sowed. God will always repay you for the evil or good you do.  They are very rich siblings and nobody believes they worked hard to get rich. When their mother passed, people said they sacrificed their mother for money rituals and God will expose them one day.

 

There are more than a trillion stories I could recount , and many more that you could recount to me.  Some of the questions I ask myself are  Has this ‘self righteousness’ made us forget that there is nature? Has it made us forget our own free will? Are we always looking for someone to take the blame?  Everyone is guilty and nobody is perfect is the word, but nobody accepts that they have done wrong(or whatever wrong means).  Are we quick to condemn others? Or do we just hide our true nature?

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Build a better BRAIN and BODY.

Build a better BRAIN and BODY.
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“I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better.” 
― Maya Angelou

YES ,I KNOW. Everybody does. The booming of technology has intoxicated everyone with the availability of every kind of information out there. All our voices can be heard, somewhere and that is why at this point in your life you will need to have a sieve-like brain in order that you do not drown in your own pile of dirt.  I am here to help you develop a strong mind , because once your mind is renewed your body will follow.  How do you grow your brains capacity to think fast and think smart? How can you be improve your  social skills as an intelligent person? How can you be more strong-willed in decision-making, goal achievement and your personal opinions?

Firstly you have to  know who you are.  Cliche. The truth is always boring because it has been sung  and no one listens. They know they know. They think they know because they have heard it before. What have you done with the message? Put it into practice! Do you know basic things like your likes and dislikes? I do not like ekwang ( it’s a Cameroonian dish made with grated cocoyams,wrapped up in cocoyam leaves and cooked in red oil) , and I like French fries( i mean who doesn’t). If you cannot determine basic things about yourself , you will not be able to identify complex ones, like your strengths and weaknesses. How your behaviour changes and your reactions in different instances and why. Knowing yourself is a process which does not happen overnight, because you are constantly growing and evolving. Take a pen and a paper, try to write down your preferences and aversions, write down some of your strengths and weaknesses. Observe the areas of your life you need to adjust and start working on them. Intelligent people must always self assess themselves over time taking note of major or minor changes to their minds or bodies that may have occurred over a period of time. That is how you start getting your power back. I find it shameful when a woman tells me she does not know her menstrual period, in terms of fertile and safe days. It is shameful you do not care about yourself enough to know such important things happening in your own body.

    “Reading is to the mind what exercise is to the body.”
― Joseph Addison

 

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That quote should be self-explanatory, but nothing is  wrong adding a little flesh is there? As the Bible says, you cannot put old wine into new wineskins, therefore with a renewal of your mind you cannot adhere to your old ways. Master your mind, train it, strengthen it, develop it, empower it. Information, or knowledge you acquired ten years ago might not be of any use to you now. I am not talking about length*width , this is not a math class, I refer to life in itself not some hypothetical physics formula. Always ask questions and remain eager to learn something new. Be willing and open to change and learn how to adapt quickly.

You cannot train your mind without training your tongue too. It is a very powerful and mishandled weapon that has caused even the most intelligent and revered men to look stupid. When in doubt it is best to either keep quiet, or listen to the other persons point of view, take it into consideration, do some more research before coming up with your own conclusion. In Cameroon, where drinking is a culture, it is always irritating to hear people arguing over what they have no idea of. Everyone wants to be seen as knowledgeable. I will say this, do not argue while intoxicated, whether by alcohol or by emotions(especially anger and impatience).

Think before you speak. That is the use of your brain, to process the words that will come out of your mouth. Make sure your expressions are right and your eloquence and fluency impeccable, There is no use looking physically attractive without leaving a lasting impression. Intelligent thinking and talking always leaves lasting impressions. This is perfect for a job interview, meeting people for the first time, and in your everyday life. You will easily win the hearts of many when you at acordingly.

“Body nobi firewood” is what they say, but they do not exercise it. “Body nobi firewood” they say, but they do not feed it. “Body nobi firewood” they say and they do not love it. Treat your body right, exercise , lose that weight, take a walk( even though in Cameroon and America now you cannot walk  because of random shooting) but those in safer countries please walk.Go for a massage, facials, spa day. Use the body to help other people in need by offering  services. We should not forget sex, we also use our bodies for that, plus its bonus exercise if you do it properly. This is obviously a 2020 topic but who knows, I might start sex education right here on this Blog!

As you develop your intelligence  and open your mind to change , there also has to be understanding. Understanding that you are not the only human on earth with reasoning capacity and opinions. As you hold yours, everyone holds theirs too, you do not need to choke anyone out with your opinion. If you say something  the other person does not agree with, a fruitful conversation has stilll been held because ideas have been exhanged. Always keep a calm and positive mind and you will notice in the long term that you will not be panicky about little issues as your brain will figure out solutions faster.  Your brain and body are all that serve you during your short existence on earth, use them well.

“When you make a choice, you change the future.”
― Deepak Chopra

 

Sixty and sinking or SOARING?

Sixty and sinking or SOARING?
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60 the new 20, I open the post and the first thing I see is a tree, this girl is crazy.

How old do you think the tree in that picture is?  Obviously older than you are, and it is still rooted there strong and sturdy. It has withstood all forms of weather and still shaded people and animals, aging yes…but still alive. Maybe it is still there because it was not cut off by some human,(thank God) or maybe because it chose not to wilt away. Whatever the reason it is here now and it is here to teach us a lesson.

          How old is too old to be able to do anything? Am I too old at 30 to still be in the dating game? ‘go settle down’ ‘you are irresponsible’ ‘you need to build a family’. Am I too old at 50 to have children? ‘your ovaries are dried up’ ‘you need to relax and enjoy your grownup kids’ ‘all your friends will have grownup kids by then’ ‘your time has passed’ Am I too old at 60 go to a bar or dance? ‘go drink oolong tea in your backyard grandpa’ ‘your bones are dead’ Am i too old at 70 to wear a bikini? ‘your skin is wrinkled mama,cover it up’ ‘accept that you are worthless and move on’. Am I too old at 80 to enjoy sex? ‘eeww, how can that happen?’ ‘That man surely takes viagra’

            Older men and women go through this everyday, slowly killing their drive to live another day. The feeling that they do not have much physical or mental strength as they used to, the fact that they have to retire from their regular jobs , the constant reminder that they are old and everyone feels sorry for them from the pitiful looks on the faces of youngsters who are flaunting youthful skin and running on strong legs. At the end of the day is age actually just a number or is it a state of mind? Just like the tree in the picture knows what it has to do , it deepens its roots further into the ground to be able to withstand each season and still serve its purpose in every age. Be like the tree.

              Society has set its timelines as to when everything is supposed to happen in our lives, and it is up to us to make changes and stop sheepishly following the crowd for fear of being left out. In a world like ours, it is generally not easy moving on your path because of the heavy pressure asserted on us by family , friends and the society in general. Plus in a place like Cameroon where you will need a job, and money and connection it is not as easy as I say it. Most people have had an encounter with disappointment so great that every dream they can conceive is contaminated with the toxic anxiety of failure. S for the rest of their lives they prefer to always play safe.

I have been swayed left to right before and having kids does not make it better but you need to keep fighting for you. Nobody wants to be seen as odd or uncultured. All parents want their kids in the same spheres as their classmates, and children start feeling unaccomplished when they have  no job at 20,are not married by 25, no kids by 35, no house at 45, and to crown all that with what nobody actually cares about is sense of self.  At 80 or 90 when all is said and done, you look back on your life and is that a tinge of regret I see? A stain on you presumed perfect life? You followed the crowd and they left you on the sidewalk with nothing but your damaged core they took and played around with. You woke up from your slumber 30 years too late.

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     I have friends who tell me they cannot wear certain clothes because they are parents now. They cannot do certain things because they are spouses now. We are the ones who end up setting our own limitations. Your mind is not free and you are trapped in this prison of guilt  when all you are truly afraid of is what someone who does not even care about you will think of you.

How many times in  your 20s or 30s or even 40s did you actually choose to put effort in something you wanted to do? How many times did you put something off because you thought you were too old? Your sex, or marital status is not an obstacle. You are the one using it as an excuse. You are older now and you feel old because you have never renewed your mind and thought process, you have given in to your fears and you know that you had the chance when you were younger but you just did not take it. You have refused embracing change. Society’s dictates had their way.

Glenn Close,an American actress just received a Golden globe and she said this …I’m thinking of my mum, who really sublimated herself to my father her whole life. And in her 80s she said to me,’ I feel I haven’t accomplished anything’. And it was so not right and I feel what I’ve learned through this whole experience is women,we’re nurturers-that’s what is expected of us. We have our children our husbands…but we have to find personal fulfillment.We have to follow our dreams.We have to say ,’ I can do that . And should be allowed to do that.”

In Cameroon we had old people over 90 that were riding bicycles and going to the farm and people will say that their children were probably not taking care of them. *LAUGHS*       When your mind does not constantly renew itself, no matter how educated you get,or how much money you make , the different aspects in life will never be in tune with each other because of the internal conflicts you have everyday with yourself in your little cocoon of pretense and role playing.

My mother whom I love so much is never afraid to be who she is. She wears mini skirts and goes for meetings and after the meeting she becomes the topic for next meeting on dress codes, and guess what! She goes to the next meeting in a shorter annd tighter skirt. It is who she is and what she loves and if you are uncomfortable then that is your problem to deal it. She will not change for you. Why do old people frown? Someone said they are just angry for being old, angry at the young ones perhaps, gravity. It is not true, they are angry at themselves because they did not have the courage to do what you are doing when they were younger and they still do not have the courage to do it now!

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HOW “MATERIALISTIC” ARE YOU?

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For time immemorial, man has been known as always ‘wanting’ and insatiable. The search for something new, different,exciting and attention-grabbing never evades us. The constant desire for power keeps the world feeding us with all its material possessions keeping our minds fascinated with acquisition,because we have equated worldly things to reputation. What you own equals who you are.

 By nature we are materialistic beings, I am materialistic to be honest. I want to own everything, I just feel I need everything(which I don’t), it might make me feel better or worthier, even when I KNOW I CANNOT AFFORD it. The problem I have about materialism is the extent of attachment to the luxuries. Let us define attachment for a moment because it is a whole concept which involves psychological stuff in relationships between people that we cannot delve into in one post. In Buddhism it is referred to as Upādāna which compares it to ‘clinging’ or ‘grasping’. Most definitions of attached include having strong feelings of affection(emotional), and as human as we are we usually let our emotions override our better judgement. Our relationship with stuff starts as early as two, when a child can grasp onto the idea that he or she can possess an object,though their understanding of it does not breed evil as it does in adults.

Feeling angry because Grinch has what you do not have and you will do all in your power to acquire it. Should we honey glaze it as ‘positive competition’? Or is it just downright jealousy or envy? There is a difference between liking a dress on a friend and getting yours and wanting the dress all for youself,nursing feelings of hate and disgust as to why the person owns it and you do not. Beautiful things are good, gold,diamonds,silver,pearls,silk,lace,cars,shoes,art, etc and we eventually turn into HCHs (high class hoarders). Over 70% of the world have things they have not used in over two years and they are still keeping it for ‘a time might pop up’ moment when they will need it. I so believe in minimalism and how they live, by trying to give meaning to every moment of their lives and throwing out objects that do not serve them daily to be able to dedicate more time to actual people.Another thing they preach is gift giving. In order to reduce this surge for giving stuff which occupies space and will not be used,why not gift memories? A vacation, a visit to the less privileged, anything that will not collect dust on a shelf. this is a link to their site and what they preach

It is obvious why everyone wants recognition through property, when in real life someone wearing Alexander McQueen, or using iPhones makes you seem more reliable than someone else. Ladies as well as gentlemen will usually flock towards the flashiest thing, and if that thing is in the hands of a person, that is where they will go. People that own ‘nothing’ are  considered unworthy alliances. Do not judge people for who they are from what they look like. Studies have shown that  as we age our possessions start acting like a crutch for all self issues we might be dealing with. We lean on them because they give us temporary spikes of pleasure and feelings of reward. -you have worked hard enough;you dererve it;spoil yourself;reward yourself;selfcare- all the ways society tries to draw you into the whirlpool of constant consumption. You do not want to be left out because your agemates are presidents and you do not even own a Rav4. “The goal is to be rich, not to look rich”Moosa Rahat.

One last thing i want to talk about that we hold onto unknowingly which I am a victim of are Memories and the things that come with it.  In Cameroon I had friends who had pictures that were faded and molded but they would not throw them away, even when you could only identify the shoes of the people in the picture.  When someone dies, we hold onto almost all their stuff as if it would bring the person back. The earth cannot hold you as long, why do you hold onto material so? Imagine if the earth held onto people the way we hold onto material things, Jeez my great-great-great-great grandfathers great-great-great grandfathers great-great-great grandfather…I am sure you see where we are going with this. Sometimes people use pictures and things to justify what you did with or for another person. The true question is ‘Did you do it with your heart?’ With no desire for self-glorification or return? With pure joy knowing you might have made someone happy,no matter how slight? Let go of those things we cling onto, hoping it will keep the memory alive forever. It is not all memories that need to be translated into objects. As a mother, we have the tendency to want to keep our babys pictures and everything, but you need to let all that go and enjoy your precious moments with your child for most of the most precious are those unrecorded. That goes to for other relationships especially friendships.

Estimate how materialistic you are in all aspects , including emotionally and physically, and see how you acan improve and better your life, and those you serve. Jesus said to follow him we must leave everything behind…if you are too attached to material, this will be a hard one for you. What if disaster hit you like in the areas of fllood,tornadoes  and wars where people lose everything? Will you rise and start over or will you dwell in your past sucking up remnants of a time lost?

who AM i?

Introductions.

I am not good at those, that is probably why I did not introduce myself in my first post. If its my name you are interested in, it has been believed to have come from different civilizations starting with Egypt, through India and even Turkey. Most believe it is South African…however it is unbelievably Cameroonian. Yeah Cameroon, a bilingual country that shares borders with Nigeria(most people know that one)…i hate having to over explain where Cameroon is on the world map.

Now that we have roughly estimated what part of the map I come from, we can move forward to sex determination. Tough talk nowadays hein? So I have kids. Let me rephrase that, I gave birth to people, so that makes me a woman, amazing we figured that out real quick. I thought i was going to have to use a whole page trying to explain why I think I am a woman or female, but pushing heads out through an elastic hole usually does the trick. Just ask ourselves a few questions , especially when trying to identify with the LGBT community and accepting their difference. Songs like ‘like a boy’ by Ciara , and movies like ‘think like a man’ are all songs addressed to females. Do you sometimes ever feel like being a boy? Or the opposite sex ? Or something else totally? Some creature? Well, you can answer those questions in the comfort of your bedrooms, I will leave it here for now.

Who am I really? I love writing. duh! On a general perspective of my character traits , i am just me. As humans we always try to box everything, and then start ‘unboxing‘ them, then tell people to think outside the box, tell them to think like there is no box…*confusion*. One thing is clear, I am a nonconformist. I have friends, I do sometimes feel odd (i am odd) talking with them because they are not supporting of my ideas of going against the grain. It is difficult to communicate with people because it seems everyone is determined to misunderstand me or my motives. But oh well, who understands humans?

NAHLESU

Someday I will write that phonetically but for now just pronounce every letter as you read. The beauty of African names is , sometimes they are simple,straight to the point, you read what you see. Other times, what you see is not even remotely connected to what has to come out of your mouth (Q could be R). Totally unpredictable. I love my name, so much so i do not use it much because of mispronunciation.

GIFT from a far place or the farm.  that is what my name means. A gift from a far place or from the farm does not come cheap, it has been planting,waiting,harvesting,processing and then delivering. When the baby is in the womb, or when you have to send a gift overseas to a loved one. What names do you have and what do they mean?

Thank you for listening. This was just a short introduction to the blog owner. I am supposed to drop a photo to probably make myself look more trustworthy online..i know…but maybe in my next post I will do that.

THERE IS A TENTH TIME TO EVERYTHING.

MAYBE. MAYBE NOT. 

Well, in my case I am definitely not able to put my head down and start something ONE time. This is probably the tenth time I am starting a blog. It is 2019 and I need to stop making excuses. We make our own choices and that is what shapes our lives. Now imagine I had a blog ten tries ago,(don’t use years, you might feel older than you are. Tries is more subtle and does not fill you with as much guilt as years does) i will not be here now typing and ‘backspacing’ because my writing skills would have been better and i wont be having writers block.

I need to start off by thanking http://www.journeyunder30.wordpress.com 

Have you ever woken up in the morning and just decided to go down that path you dreaded so badly? Rash decisions. That is what made me start writing for the public on this platform.

I was <still am though not active for no apparent reason except the fact that I am  sure there was supposed to be a P in my name for  Procrastination> on an app called WATTPAD. I am so ashamed of myself because I have the audacity to forget my username. SIGH. This is 2019, and I am not about to make some rash new year resolutions when I still have 2014 resolutions pending. Another shameful fact is that i have had a twitter account for over 8 years and I do not have a following of up to 200 people. I am on Pinterest, Instagram, Snapchat ,Tumblr(passive)….let’s get back to that P should we? PASSIVE PROCRASTINATOR. A definition of someone who has the drive and skills to do something but chooses not to. I do not want to remain that person.I want to be able to achieve my goals and dreams and not just write them down and daydream about it. Yes, I will do it ten more times if that is what it takes to be myself and the best; but I do not want to have to start and stop, time waits for no one.

As I sign off my first blog post ‘gone viral’ .CHUCKLES. here , a word to the first and subsequent readers…DO IT NOW.